National Fantasy TV Series

Chandrakanta

13 years have passed, since the granddaddy of Indian fantasy was killed off, in a unceremonious rebuke. Since then many have come, many have tried, many have fought to take on the centrestage, to take on the monumental responsibility of representing an ancient India, one of magic and sorcery, of wars and heroes, and mysticism, to the modern generation. Many have tried, and one by one, they have all failed.

Hatim is gay. (No offense if you are gay, here gay is used as a synonym for lame.) It was much touted as the heir apparent, the new face of fantasy genre in India. Note to producer - If you are making a period fantasy, don't get a metrosexual, gilette-shaving, chest waxing protagonist. And if you must rip off characters from other epics, (which is not so bad... everyone does it these days), atleast be subtle about it. Don't name the hobbit inspired character Hobo!! And besides all these nuances, Hatim lacks the suspense of a realistic socio-political subplot, the grandeur of war... its more Harry Potter-ish fantasy than Lord of the Rings, kids fantasy.

No. None has yet been able to overthrow the dominance of Chandrakanta in Indian collective consciousness. It remains the greatest epic, perhaps after Ramayan, Mahabharata and Krishna but only so because it was pulled off the air unfinished, in the history of Indian television. The credible mixing of magic and non-magic elements of war, the espionage of the Ichhadharis, the Aiyyars. Though the best two assets of the serial were :

1. Kroor Singh - Kroor Singh belongs right up there in the high echelons of memorable supervillaindom along with Mogambo, Crime Master Gogo and Gabbar Singh. The spikey apparel, the black cape, the gravity defying hairstyle... not to forget his whiny alterego who kicks in when you smack the supervillain on the head.
2. Chandrakanta - Supposedly who the serial was based on, the Helen of Vijaygarh, mesmerizing everyone with her beauty. The crucial role development, decided upon after a few episodes, that made her the pivotal character of the serial was to limit her role to the title song only. Viewers who missed the first few episodes would be hooked on the mystery of the plot just to see what Chandrakanta actually looks like.

Unfortunately this epic serial was pulled off the air from DD in 1996 and its last reruns on Sony and Star also ended by 2004. But as a testament to its greatness, Chandrakanta endured the test of time and is set to return once more. This time on the big screen.

The movie is currently tiltled Talismaan. It is based on Chandrakanta and stars Amitabh and Abhishek Bachchan. Rumour has it that Sanjay Dutt has also joined the cast. Although Aishwarya Rai Bachchan was pipped to be Chandrakanta, but unconfirmed sources say that the director wanted to stay true to the television series and therefore wanted someone less glamorous and eye-catching, preferably invisible to play Chandrakanta. Aishwarya is rumoured to have replied that she proved her flair for insignificant roles in Guru.

Anyway, expect the movie to be mind-blasting. The trailer is a cheesy 2 minutes showing the Amitabh Bachchan as a very impressive two faced Gandalf leading an army. And then before you wince at the memory of the lame-ass Mahabharata and Ramayana's MS-Paint special effects and painstakingly structured incomprehensible Hindi, the Big B shouts 'No War' (yes, in English) and summons flying Balrogs using his transparent sword. You can bet your last coin that this is going to be very interesting.

For the heralder of the genre of fantasy fiction in India, based on a novel written years before the Tolkeins and the Rowlings, yes,
We salute you... Yakkooo !!!

National Movie

The Expendables

Imagine an street fighter, sitting on a couch for a week in the same clothes since his brutal UFC championship victory, with a lifetime supply of roast chicken and beer, and nothing to do but switch between the NFL, amateur porn and a gory FPS on the playstation.

Now take the total amount of testosterone in that image, multiply it by 10^200 and then divide it by zero (call chuck norris if you need help with that).
That is approximately how much manliness oozes out of the new upcoming movie
"The Expendables".

Before you destroy your computer in frustration of having been lured into reading 110 (now 113) words of a wildly exxagerated, fantastical lunatic ranting, just allow for one simple justification of the above-said analogy.

The Expendables, scheduled to release in 2010, stars Rambo (Sylvester Stallone), the Terminator (Arnold Schwaznegger), the Transporter (Jason Statham), the Monkey King (Jet Li), the Wrestler (Mickey Rourke) and He-Man (Dolph Lundgren), all in the same movie.

this is Sly Stallone at age 62

Supporting this mind blowing cast are 'Smooth Criminal Salvatore Moroni' Eric Roberts, former NFL player Terry Crew, ex-convict and San Quentin prison lightweight and welterweight boxing champion Danny Trejo, 4 time UFC Heavyweight champion Randy Couture, former karate and kick boxing champion Gary Daniels and the greatest WWE wrestler of all time, Stone Cold Steve Austin.


And if that was not enough to have your adrenaline exploding, look at who others have been approached for a role in the movie. 'Universal Soldier' Jean Claude Van Damme, 'Renegade Vampire Blade' Wesley Snipes, 'Mahatma Gandhi' Ben Kingsley, 'Idi Amin' Forest Whitaker, 'Escape from L.A.' Kurt Russell and Tae kwon do trainer 'Weapon XI' Scott Adkins. And if the rumours are to be believed, 'Die Hard' Bruce Willis is in talks with Stallone over a possible role in the movie.

Dont destroy your computer in frustration. This is not a spoof. The goosebumps you had reading the cast list are for real. This is not a spoof.
See the proof for yourself here

The movie is in production and shooting has already commenced in locations in Brazil and US. We will have to wait till mid 2010 however for this never-before never-again epic movie. Which is good because we suggest you finish all the manly ambitions you have ever had in your life so far before the movie releases, and then prepare to be emasculated in the 2 most epic hours of your life.

A toast to testosterone.
Cheers !!

PS - In the interest of the general public, we are creating a checklist of all the 'masculine' ambitions you should have accomplished before the release of the Expendables. So watch out for that!!

National Cigarette

Yes. Cigarettes.

Cigarettes are bad for health.

Cigarettes cause lung cancer.

Cigarettes are bad for the air and the environment.

Cigarettes, through active and passive smoking, cause millions of deaths every year.

Cigarettes destroy young promising lives and careers in mid-flight.



We know.

We know, and yet, we are hooked. This brand is way too addictive for our measly will power to overcome. And so against our better judgement, we smoke them.



Besides, if Phantom smokes them, we have got to too. Right? Kids, dont try this at home.

National Heroes

Swat Kats

Whoever thought of this is a Genius. Planet of the Cats??? Its hilarious, its incredulous, its preposterous and its COOL.
And its a gag that never runs out... every name place or quote is 'Kat'chy, either a blatant spoof or a profound easter egg. Check out the ultimate in feline immersion.



Nomenclature
T-Bone / Chance Furlong - Swat Kat no 1, the pilot
Razer/ Jake Clawson - Swat Kat no 2, the tech and weapons expert
Megakat city - The city they protect
TurboCat - their ULTRA cool jet
Feral - The Loser Commander
Felina - The bratty daughter of the Commander who doesnt take NO for an answer
Calico Briggs - The sexy deputy mayor, (calicos cats are believed to bring good luck, for the Swat Kats atleast.. ;-)
Ann Gora - The typical troublemagnet reporter...
Mayor Manx - The real Manx Kat was once believed to be spineless... no kidding.
Katkind - Swat Kats, A small step for Mankind, a giant leap for... you guessed it, Katkind.
Dark Kat - The Swat Kats' biggest nemesis
MetalliKats - Mean machines, out to conquer the Kat world.
Prof. Hackle - Creator of the MetalliKats
Red Lynx - The legendary evil pilot from Megawar II
Dr. Abby Sinian - Archeologist and curator of the Museum of Natural History (derived from the curious and always exploring abbyssinian cat)

Standard Kat Quotes
Lets kick some tail.
We're gonna tear up this town like a scratching post.
Look what the cat dragged in.
Kats alive!!!


And talk about awesome weapons, these are off the hook

Octopus Missile - Signature Swat Kat missile, noone has any idea what it does, its metallic, has 6, not 8 arms, mostly explodes on contact but can sometimes harmlessly restrain an opponent, a missile that is too intelligent not to be awesome.
Relentless Missile - Basically a heatseeker, but with a name like that, Awesome!!
Cookie Cutter Missile - Cuts a cookie (circular) hole into walls or aircrafts, pretty much anything.
Megavolt Missile - Send a 1,000,000 volt current through the target, but makes sure the current does conduct into anything or anyone else... perfectly safe electrocution.
Banshee Missile - They just scream... like a banshee. Thats it. Our heroes must be really bored.
Plain Old Missile - Signed "From Razor with Love". As I said, really really bored.
Baby Boomer Missile - They make a loud boom... i guess.

Heads or tails, whichever way you look at it, the Swat Kats are the coolest and one tail kicking duo. And any series that spent so much time, thought and effort into every detail just to give us the ultimate Katventure deserves our respect. So in due homage to the Radical Squadron, they are our National Heroes.