Every now and then, we in Lolland find something within our country or in the rest of the world that is too good to be true - something that merits inclusion in our National Hall of Fame, something that embodies the ideals laid down by our founding fathers.
This is the Hall of Fame gallery where you can see the inductees and the reasons for their induction. We have, so far, identified a national disease, musician, protector(s), insect, colour...the list is endless.
Witness Greatness.
Saturday, May 2, 2020
Saturday, November 14, 2009
Metal Monk
Lolland is a secular nation. We believe God is in us all, more so in us than all the rest. But it has come to our knowledge that sometimes religious people can be cooler than everyone else. So our National Monk is Cesare Bonizzi.
63 year old "Brother Metal" is the lead singer for the band Fratello Metallo. Inspired at a Metallica concert 15 years ago, this monk went on to open Italy's biggest metal fest Gods of Metal 2008 along with Iron Maiden, Judas Priest and Slayer.
Some quotes which show the awesomeness of the man:
"I do it to convert people to life, to understand life, to grab hold of life, to savour it and enjoy it. Full stop."
"The only problem was that at one stage out slipped a "what the f…" because each time some people ... can't believe a robed monk is on the stage playing their music. "
"Other songs talk about how alcohol warms the heart but excess drinking can damage the liver, and how important sex is to man. "
Finally, a video of his performance:
We salute you.
PS: some PJs.
What do most metal fans like? - Old Monk
What is the secret behind Father Cesare Bonizzi's success? - he is an Old Monk
What would any other metal singer sound like at age 63? - an Old Monkey.
OK, we'll stop now.
Saturday, November 7, 2009
Somalia Tourism Brochure
We proudly welcome you to our national country, Somalia. Read on to know more about this beautiful place.
For the complete Somali experience,click here and find out which Somali citizen you are on Facebook.
Monday, September 28, 2009
National Songs
Many Hindi/regional language film songs use English. That's fine. Occasionally, however, their use of English revolutionizes and redefines entire cultures and centuries later they shall be heralded as the Shakespeares of a generation. In honour of these gems, we must give them national symbol status. We present Kollywood.
Please do tell us if you know of more such gems, we shall honour them as well.
1. Life is Shabby
This song has the best lyrics ever:
Life is Shabby || Without you Baby || Thank you my dear Raja || Gubagubagubagubagooo.
Also, possibly the worst rap in history starts at the 1:35 mark.
2. Excuse me...
...which is what we told ourselves when first we heard this masterpiece. There are lyrical high points like 'You catch me, you match me', but what really makes this special is the 200 time repetition of the song title.
3. Danger
Shakespeare once wrote a very well received piece on the Ages of Man. In case you didn't understand that, here it is in simple words.
4. Rajkumar - If you come today
This is the big one - the one that started it all. You've seen and heard it a thousand times, but it's still legendary.
5. Rajkumar - Love me or Hate me
6. I want to kiss
This is the most touching love song ever, leaving traditional favourites like that song from Titanic miles behind. The first line is 'I want to kiss my darling'. It's all downhill from there. Make special note of the geography lesson that starts after the romantic beginning.
7. Jaaligo
What do you do when life is good and you're happy? You go and make a song where the lyrics go : "Jolly come, Jolly come, Jolly jolly come. Happy go, happy go, happy happy go."
8. Rajkumar - my name is Raj
James Bond should start introducing himself this way.
Please do tell us if you know of more such gems, we shall honour them as well.
1. Life is Shabby
This song has the best lyrics ever:
Life is Shabby || Without you Baby || Thank you my dear Raja || Gubagubagubagubagooo.
Also, possibly the worst rap in history starts at the 1:35 mark.
...which is what we told ourselves when first we heard this masterpiece. There are lyrical high points like 'You catch me, you match me', but what really makes this special is the 200 time repetition of the song title.
Shakespeare once wrote a very well received piece on the Ages of Man. In case you didn't understand that, here it is in simple words.
This is the big one - the one that started it all. You've seen and heard it a thousand times, but it's still legendary.
Not as legendary as the previous one, but every bit as good. You've got to love him.
This is the most touching love song ever, leaving traditional favourites like that song from Titanic miles behind. The first line is 'I want to kiss my darling'. It's all downhill from there. Make special note of the geography lesson that starts after the romantic beginning.
What do you do when life is good and you're happy? You go and make a song where the lyrics go : "Jolly come, Jolly come, Jolly jolly come. Happy go, happy go, happy happy go."
James Bond should start introducing himself this way.
Monday, August 3, 2009
National Computer Game
Serious Sam is the greatest computer game of all time. Period.
If you don't know what Serious Sam is, we'll tell you. You've played Doom, right? Serious Sam is Doom with more insane enemies, more enemies (1000 per level, sometimes), awesomer level settings, and as thin a plotline.
We have some points for you on why Serious Sam pwns everything else in the known Universe.
1. The enemies
Headless kamikazes who run at you screaming. Headless warriors who carry their heads
in their hands for 'effective communication'. Undead skeletons. Huge bulls which
charge at you faster than light. 100 foot tall King Kong bosses. Unicycling clowns with exploding cakes!!!
2. Number of enemies
Every level has at least 300 enemies. And the enemies don't come at you one by one. They come in friendly bunches of 100, usually when you're up against a wall. And they keep coming, on and on, till all your ammo is done.
3. The plot, or lack thereof
Serious Sam has the most convincing storyline. Serious Sam is the hero, he's from the future, he goes to the past (why?), an evil overlord called Notorious Mental sends enemies to kill him (why?). You remember this for exactly 2 minutes, before it's wiped from your mind by hordes upon hordes of screaming enemies. You mission is to chase Mental through galaxies and timelines while laying wastes to whole planetary armies of his minions. Once you're done, we'll tell you why.
4. Circlestrafe!!
Serious Sam is a self-contained tutorial in the fine, and the all powerful, art of circlestrafing. In fact, that's the only thing you'll learn from the game. If it moves, circlestrafe and shoot the shit out of it.
5. The Attitude
Serious Sam is a wisecracking son-of-a-gun. Some of his lines are sampled below:
Hey, didn't I just kick your ass two rooms back?
Never underestimate the power of stupid things in large numbers.
(After getting a huge, deadly chainsaw) Look Ma, I'm a lumberjack!
I hate running backwards!
It's cold! My nipples are like pencil erasers.
6. Level Design
Huge levels with awesome design - Egyptian, Mesoamerican, Babylonian, medieval. And the open levels are infinitely large. You can never run of places for you or your enemy hordes to play catch. Unless they want you to...
7. The weapons
A cannonball that shoots out a huge black ball that mows down everything in its way. A flamethrower that is the most mindlessly fun weapon ever. And, the signature weapon, the minigun, which must be the gun with the best rate of fire in any game.
And did we mention, the Serious Bomb, kills one, kills all.
The beauty of this game game is that everyone needs to get (un)serious and enjoy it. In fact if you are one who doesnt like this game because its too silly, you seriously need to play this game. No game has ever posed such an inescapable choice to mankind ever before, and hence Serious Sam is the National Computer Game.
If you don't know what Serious Sam is, we'll tell you. You've played Doom, right? Serious Sam is Doom with more insane enemies, more enemies (1000 per level, sometimes), awesomer level settings, and as thin a plotline.
We have some points for you on why Serious Sam pwns everything else in the known Universe.
1. The enemies
Headless kamikazes who run at you screaming. Headless warriors who carry their heads
in their hands for 'effective communication'. Undead skeletons. Huge bulls which
charge at you faster than light. 100 foot tall King Kong bosses. Unicycling clowns with exploding cakes!!!
2. Number of enemies
Every level has at least 300 enemies. And the enemies don't come at you one by one. They come in friendly bunches of 100, usually when you're up against a wall. And they keep coming, on and on, till all your ammo is done.
3. The plot, or lack thereof
Serious Sam has the most convincing storyline. Serious Sam is the hero, he's from the future, he goes to the past (why?), an evil overlord called Notorious Mental sends enemies to kill him (why?). You remember this for exactly 2 minutes, before it's wiped from your mind by hordes upon hordes of screaming enemies. You mission is to chase Mental through galaxies and timelines while laying wastes to whole planetary armies of his minions. Once you're done, we'll tell you why.
4. Circlestrafe!!
Serious Sam is a self-contained tutorial in the fine, and the all powerful, art of circlestrafing. In fact, that's the only thing you'll learn from the game. If it moves, circlestrafe and shoot the shit out of it.
5. The Attitude
Serious Sam is a wisecracking son-of-a-gun. Some of his lines are sampled below:
Hey, didn't I just kick your ass two rooms back?
Never underestimate the power of stupid things in large numbers.
(After getting a huge, deadly chainsaw) Look Ma, I'm a lumberjack!
I hate running backwards!
It's cold! My nipples are like pencil erasers.
6. Level Design
Huge levels with awesome design - Egyptian, Mesoamerican, Babylonian, medieval. And the open levels are infinitely large. You can never run of places for you or your enemy hordes to play catch. Unless they want you to...
7. The weapons
Friday, June 19, 2009
National Fantasy TV Series
Chandrakanta
13 years have passed, since the granddaddy of Indian fantasy was killed off, in a unceremonious rebuke. Since then many have come, many have tried, many have fought to take on the centrestage, to take on the monumental responsibility of representing an ancient India, one of magic and sorcery, of wars and heroes, and mysticism, to the modern generation. Many have tried, and one by one, they have all failed.
Hatim is gay. (No offense if you are gay, here gay is used as a synonym for lame.) It was much touted as the heir apparent, the new face of fantasy genre in India. Note to producer - If you are making a period fantasy, don't get a metrosexual, gilette-shaving, chest waxing protagonist. And if you must rip off characters from other epics, (which is not so bad... everyone does it these days), atleast be subtle about it. Don't name the hobbit inspired character Hobo!! And besides all these nuances, Hatim lacks the suspense of a realistic socio-political subplot, the grandeur of war... its more Harry Potter-ish fantasy than Lord of the Rings, kids fantasy.
No. None has yet been able to overthrow the dominance of Chandrakanta in Indian collective consciousness. It remains the greatest epic, perhaps after Ramayan, Mahabharata and Krishna but only so because it was pulled off the air unfinished, in the history of Indian television. The credible mixing of magic and non-magic elements of war, the espionage of the Ichhadharis, the Aiyyars. Though the best two assets of the serial were :
The movie is currently tiltled Talismaan. It is based on Chandrakanta and stars Amitabh and Abhishek Bachchan. Rumour has it that Sanjay Dutt has also joined the cast. Although Aishwarya Rai Bachchan was pipped to be Chandrakanta, but unconfirmed sources say that the director wanted to stay true to the television series and therefore wanted someone less glamorous and eye-catching, preferably invisible to play Chandrakanta. Aishwarya is rumoured to have replied that she proved her flair for insignificant roles in Guru.
Anyway, expect the movie to be mind-blasting. The trailer is a cheesy 2 minutes showing the Amitabh Bachchan as a very impressive two faced Gandalf leading an army. And then before you wince at the memory of the lame-ass Mahabharata and Ramayana's MS-Paint special effects and painstakingly structured incomprehensible Hindi, the Big B shouts 'No War' (yes, in English) and summons flying Balrogs using his transparent sword. You can bet your last coin that this is going to be very interesting.
For the heralder of the genre of fantasy fiction in India, based on a novel written years before the Tolkeins and the Rowlings, yes,
We salute you... Yakkooo !!!
13 years have passed, since the granddaddy of Indian fantasy was killed off, in a unceremonious rebuke. Since then many have come, many have tried, many have fought to take on the centrestage, to take on the monumental responsibility of representing an ancient India, one of magic and sorcery, of wars and heroes, and mysticism, to the modern generation. Many have tried, and one by one, they have all failed.
Hatim is gay. (No offense if you are gay, here gay is used as a synonym for lame.) It was much touted as the heir apparent, the new face of fantasy genre in India. Note to producer - If you are making a period fantasy, don't get a metrosexual, gilette-shaving, chest waxing protagonist. And if you must rip off characters from other epics, (which is not so bad... everyone does it these days), atleast be subtle about it. Don't name the hobbit inspired character Hobo!! And besides all these nuances, Hatim lacks the suspense of a realistic socio-political subplot, the grandeur of war... its more Harry Potter-ish fantasy than Lord of the Rings, kids fantasy.
No. None has yet been able to overthrow the dominance of Chandrakanta in Indian collective consciousness. It remains the greatest epic, perhaps after Ramayan, Mahabharata and Krishna but only so because it was pulled off the air unfinished, in the history of Indian television. The credible mixing of magic and non-magic elements of war, the espionage of the Ichhadharis, the Aiyyars. Though the best two assets of the serial were :
- Kroor Singh - Kroor Singh belongs right up there in the high echelons of memorable supervillaindom along with Mogambo, Crime Master Gogo and Gabbar Singh. The spikey apparel, the black cape, the gravity defying hairstyle... not to forget his whiny alterego who kicks in when you smack the supervillain on the head.
- Chandrakanta - Supposedly who the serial was based on, the Helen of Vijaygarh, mesmerizing everyone with her beauty. The crucial role development, decided upon after a few episodes, that made her the pivotal character of the serial was to limit her role to the title song only. Viewers who missed the first few episodes would be hooked on the mystery of the plot just to see what Chandrakanta actually looks like.
The movie is currently tiltled Talismaan. It is based on Chandrakanta and stars Amitabh and Abhishek Bachchan. Rumour has it that Sanjay Dutt has also joined the cast. Although Aishwarya Rai Bachchan was pipped to be Chandrakanta, but unconfirmed sources say that the director wanted to stay true to the television series and therefore wanted someone less glamorous and eye-catching, preferably invisible to play Chandrakanta. Aishwarya is rumoured to have replied that she proved her flair for insignificant roles in Guru.
Anyway, expect the movie to be mind-blasting. The trailer is a cheesy 2 minutes showing the Amitabh Bachchan as a very impressive two faced Gandalf leading an army. And then before you wince at the memory of the lame-ass Mahabharata and Ramayana's MS-Paint special effects and painstakingly structured incomprehensible Hindi, the Big B shouts 'No War' (yes, in English) and summons flying Balrogs using his transparent sword. You can bet your last coin that this is going to be very interesting.
For the heralder of the genre of fantasy fiction in India, based on a novel written years before the Tolkeins and the Rowlings, yes,
We salute you... Yakkooo !!!
Saturday, June 6, 2009
National Movie
The Expendables
Imagine an street fighter, sitting on a couch for a week in the same clothes since his brutal UFC championship victory, with a lifetime supply of roast chicken and beer, and nothing to do but switch between the NFL, amateur porn and a gory FPS on the playstation.
Now take the total amount of testosterone in that image, multiply it by 10^200 and then divide it by zero (call chuck norris if you need help with that).
That is approximately how much manliness oozes out of the new upcoming movie
"The Expendables".
Before you destroy your computer in frustration of having been lured into reading 110 (now 113) words of a wildly exxagerated, fantastical lunatic ranting, just allow for one simple justification of the above-said analogy.
The Expendables, scheduled to release in 2010, stars Rambo (Sylvester Stallone), the Terminator (Arnold Schwaznegger), the Transporter (Jason Statham), the Monkey King (Jet Li), the Wrestler (Mickey Rourke) and He-Man (Dolph Lundgren), all in the same movie.
this is Sly Stallone at age 62
Supporting this mind blowing cast are 'Smooth Criminal Salvatore Moroni' Eric Roberts, former NFL player Terry Crew, ex-convict and San Quentin prison lightweight and welterweight boxing champion Danny Trejo, 4 time UFC Heavyweight champion Randy Couture, former karate and kick boxing champion Gary Daniels and the greatest WWE wrestler of all time, Stone Cold Steve Austin.
And if that was not enough to have your adrenaline exploding, look at who others have been approached for a role in the movie. 'Universal Soldier' Jean Claude Van Damme, 'Renegade Vampire Blade' Wesley Snipes, 'Mahatma Gandhi' Ben Kingsley, 'Idi Amin' Forest Whitaker, 'Escape from L.A.' Kurt Russell and Tae kwon do trainer 'Weapon XI' Scott Adkins. And if the rumours are to be believed, 'Die Hard' Bruce Willis is in talks with Stallone over a possible role in the movie.
Dont destroy your computer in frustration. This is not a spoof. The goosebumps you had reading the cast list are for real. This is not a spoof.
See the proof for yourself here
The movie is in production and shooting has already commenced in locations in Brazil and US. We will have to wait till mid 2010 however for this never-before never-again epic movie. Which is good because we suggest you finish all the manly ambitions you have ever had in your life so far before the movie releases, and then prepare to be emasculated in the 2 most epic hours of your life.
A toast to testosterone.
Cheers !!
PS - In the interest of the general public, we are creating a checklist of all the 'masculine' ambitions you should have accomplished before the release of the Expendables. So watch out for that!!
Imagine an street fighter, sitting on a couch for a week in the same clothes since his brutal UFC championship victory, with a lifetime supply of roast chicken and beer, and nothing to do but switch between the NFL, amateur porn and a gory FPS on the playstation.
Now take the total amount of testosterone in that image, multiply it by 10^200 and then divide it by zero (call chuck norris if you need help with that).
That is approximately how much manliness oozes out of the new upcoming movie
"The Expendables".
Before you destroy your computer in frustration of having been lured into reading 110 (now 113) words of a wildly exxagerated, fantastical lunatic ranting, just allow for one simple justification of the above-said analogy.
The Expendables, scheduled to release in 2010, stars Rambo (Sylvester Stallone), the Terminator (Arnold Schwaznegger), the Transporter (Jason Statham), the Monkey King (Jet Li), the Wrestler (Mickey Rourke) and He-Man (Dolph Lundgren), all in the same movie.
this is Sly Stallone at age 62
And if that was not enough to have your adrenaline exploding, look at who others have been approached for a role in the movie. 'Universal Soldier' Jean Claude Van Damme, 'Renegade Vampire Blade' Wesley Snipes, 'Mahatma Gandhi' Ben Kingsley, 'Idi Amin' Forest Whitaker, 'Escape from L.A.' Kurt Russell and Tae kwon do trainer 'Weapon XI' Scott Adkins. And if the rumours are to be believed, 'Die Hard' Bruce Willis is in talks with Stallone over a possible role in the movie.
Dont destroy your computer in frustration. This is not a spoof. The goosebumps you had reading the cast list are for real. This is not a spoof.
See the proof for yourself here
The movie is in production and shooting has already commenced in locations in Brazil and US. We will have to wait till mid 2010 however for this never-before never-again epic movie. Which is good because we suggest you finish all the manly ambitions you have ever had in your life so far before the movie releases, and then prepare to be emasculated in the 2 most epic hours of your life.
A toast to testosterone.
Cheers !!
PS - In the interest of the general public, we are creating a checklist of all the 'masculine' ambitions you should have accomplished before the release of the Expendables. So watch out for that!!
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